What Does EMDR Therapy Actually Look Like?
Understanding EMDR therapy: What happens in a session, and what can you expect?
If you have heard of EMDR therapy but are unsure what it involves, you are certainly not alone. Many people are curious about EMDR but feel a little apprehensive about trying something they do not fully understand.
As an EMDR therapist, I often find that understanding the process can help people feel more comfortable about taking that first step.
At Brain Matters Counselling, I believe therapy should be explained in a way that makes sense to you. So, let's explore what EMDR actually looks like and what you might experience during a session.
What Is EMDR Therapy?
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing. It is a structured therapy that helps people process distressing memories and experiences that may continue to affect their thoughts, emotions, physical sensations and behaviour.
Although EMDR is particularly well known for working with trauma and PTSD, it may also be helpful for people experiencing anxiety, distressing memories, low self-esteem and other difficulties, depending on their individual circumstances.
Sometimes, we know that something happened in the past, but our emotional and physical responses suggest that it still feels very present. You might understand logically that you are safe now, yet your body reacts as though you are still in danger.
EMDR aims to help the brain process these experiences so that the memories become less distressing and no longer have the same impact on everyday life.
What Happens During an EMDR Session?
One of the biggest misconceptions about EMDR is that you simply talk about a traumatic experience while following a therapist's finger with your eyes.
Although eye movements may be used, EMDR involves much more than this. It follows a structured approach, and preparation is an important part of the process.
1. Getting to Know You
Before beginning EMDR processing, we spend time understanding what has brought you to therapy, what you would like to change and how your experiences may be affecting you now.
This is an opportunity for us to explore your history, current difficulties, strengths and support systems.
We also consider whether EMDR is appropriate for you at this point in your life. Everyone is different, and there is no expectation that you need to be ready to process difficult memories straight away.
2. Building Safety and Stability
Preparation is a vital part of EMDR therapy.
Before processing distressing memories, we work on developing ways to manage emotions, recognise triggers and cope with difficult feelings that may arise.
This might include grounding techniques, breathing exercises, emotional regulation strategies and identifying resources that help you feel safer and more settled.
For some people, this stage may be relatively brief. For others, particularly those with complex trauma or difficulties managing intense emotions, it may take longer.
There is no race to get to the next stage. Feeling sufficiently prepared is more important than rushing the process.
3. Understanding How the Memory Affects You
Once we have established an appropriate foundation, we identify the experiences we want to work on.
We may explore what you remember, the thoughts you have about yourself in connection with the experience, the emotions that arise and any physical sensations you notice.
For example, someone who has experienced a difficult relationship might find themselves thinking, "I'm not good enough," whenever someone appears unhappy with them.
Another person may notice a racing heart, tension or a strong urge to withdraw when faced with a situation that reminds them of something painful.
EMDR considers these connections between memories, thoughts, emotions and bodily responses.
You do not need to describe every detail of an experience aloud for EMDR to take place. Your therapist will work with you to establish an approach that is appropriate for your needs.
4. Bilateral Stimulation: What Does It Look Like?
This is the part of EMDR that many people are most curious about.
Bilateral stimulation involves alternating stimulation between the left and right sides. This may involve following the therapist's fingers with your eyes, listening to alternating sounds or using gentle tactile stimulation, depending on the approach being used.
While this takes place, you may briefly focus on a particular memory, thought, emotion or sensation.
Your therapist will guide the process and periodically check what you are noticing.
You might experience images, thoughts, emotions or physical sensations. Sometimes, new connections or perspectives emerge. At other times, you may notice very little happening during a particular set of stimulation.
There is no right or wrong response, and you do not need to force anything to happen.
EMDR is not about making you relive trauma for the sake of it. It is about supporting the processing of distressing experiences at a pace that is appropriate for you.
5. Processing the Experience
As the session progresses, your therapist will help you notice what comes up and guide you through the processing.
You may find that the memory begins to feel different. Something that previously triggered intense distress may gradually become easier to think about.
This does not necessarily mean forgetting what happened or deciding that it was acceptable.
Instead, the aim is to reduce the distress associated with the memory and help you develop a more adaptive understanding of the experience.
For example, a memory that once brought up overwhelming shame might gradually become associated with the understanding that you were doing the best you could in difficult circumstances.
Everyone's experience is different. Some people notice changes relatively quickly, while others need more time and several sessions to work through what they have experienced.
6. Ending the Session Safely
EMDR sessions do not simply stop when the processing ends.
Your therapist will help you return your attention to the present, check how you are feeling and consider whether you need additional grounding or support before leaving the session.
You may feel tired, thoughtful, emotional or relieved afterwards. Occasionally, you may notice that thoughts or feelings continue to arise between sessions.
Your therapist can help you develop strategies for managing this and discuss what to do if you find yourself feeling overwhelmed.
It is important to allow yourself time and space after sessions where possible, particularly when working with difficult experiences.
What Does EMDR Feel Like?
This is one of the most common questions people ask.
The honest answer is that it varies from person to person.
Some people experience strong emotions or physical sensations. Others notice changes in how they understand a memory. Some find the process surprisingly calm, while others need more time to feel comfortable with it.
You do not have to cry, experience a dramatic emotional release or remember every detail of an event for EMDR to be useful.
Equally, EMDR is not always easy. Processing difficult experiences can bring up uncomfortable feelings, which is why appropriate preparation, pacing and therapeutic support are so important.
You should be able to discuss your concerns with your therapist and work together to decide what feels manageable.
Can EMDR Help If I Struggle to Understand My Emotions?
Many people find it difficult to explain what they are feeling.
You might experience physical sensations before you recognise an emotion. You may become overwhelmed quickly, struggle to identify what has triggered a reaction or find yourself responding to situations in ways you do not fully understand.
This is one reason I consider the connection between the mind and body so important in therapy.
Our experiences can influence not only how we think but also how we feel emotionally and respond physically. Exploring these connections can help us understand why certain situations feel so difficult.
EMDR can form part of this work, alongside emotional awareness, grounding and regulation strategies where appropriate.
Therapy should not be a one-size-fits-all process. What matters is finding an approach that considers your experiences, needs and individual circumstances.
Is EMDR Suitable for Everyone?
EMDR can be helpful for many people, but it is not automatically the right approach for everyone at every point in their life.
Your therapist should consider your current circumstances, emotional stability, support systems and treatment goals before recommending it.
If you are experiencing significant emotional distress or find it difficult to manage overwhelming feelings, additional preparation and stabilisation may be needed before beginning memory processing.
You should never feel pressured to process a memory before you feel sufficiently prepared. Your questions, concerns and boundaries matter throughout the therapeutic process.
What If I Feel Nervous About Trying EMDR?
Feeling nervous is completely understandable, particularly if you have previously experienced difficult or unhelpful therapeutic relationships.
You may worry about losing control, becoming overwhelmed or having to discuss experiences you would rather not talk about.
These are all things you can discuss before deciding whether EMDR is right for you.
A good therapeutic relationship should provide space for questions, collaboration and honest conversations about what you need.
You remain an active participant in the process. EMDR should be approached collaboratively, with attention to your consent, readiness and emotional safety.
You do not need to have everything figured out before beginning therapy.
How I Work at Brain Matters Counselling
At Brain Matters Counselling, I take an integrative approach to therapy. I recognise that every person brings their own experiences, strengths and challenges, and I do not believe that one therapeutic approach will suit everyone.
As a qualified psychotherapeutic counsellor and advanced EMDR therapist, I draw on my training and experience to help clients explore their difficulties in a supportive, non-judgemental environment.
Where appropriate, EMDR may be incorporated into our work alongside other therapeutic approaches, including emotional regulation strategies informed by Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT).
My aim is to help you develop a better understanding of yourself, process difficult experiences where appropriate and find ways to move forward that feel meaningful to you.
Whether you are struggling with trauma, anxiety, distressing memories or patterns that seem difficult to change, you deserve the opportunity to explore what is happening without feeling judged.
Taking the First Step
If you have been considering EMDR but are unsure whether it is right for you, you do not have to make that decision alone.
An initial conversation can give you the opportunity to ask questions, explain what you are looking for and find out more about how therapy might help.
At Brain Matters Counselling, I offer a free 20-minute initial consultation, giving us an opportunity to talk about your needs and consider whether working together may be a good fit.
You can find out more about my services at www.brainmatterscounselling.com.
You do not have to keep struggling with the effects of past experiences on your own. Support is available, and taking the first step can begin with a conversation.
