What a 1st session with me looks like

So… What Actually Happens in Your First Session With Me?

So, you've decided to give therapy a go.

Firstly… well done! That first step can be a pretty big one.

You might be nervous. You might be wondering what you're supposed to say. You might have absolutely no idea what you're doing and be thinking, “What have I let myself in for?”

Don't worry — I've got you!

Let's start with a chat

My first sessions are pretty relaxed.

I'm not going to sit there looking serious, scribbling away furiously while you tell me your entire life story!

I'm a pretty down-to-earth person, and I want you to feel comfortable with me. Therapy can already feel daunting enough without making it feel like you're attending an interview.

Your first session lasts [50/60] minutes, and sessions are available [online / face-to-face / both], depending on what works best for you.

If we're meeting online, I'll send you everything you need beforehand, so you can simply click the link and join me from wherever you feel comfortable.

If we're meeting face-to-face, I'll show you where to go and get you settled in. No awkward wandering around trying to work out where you're supposed to be!

I'll explain a little about how I work, confidentiality and what you can expect, but mostly we'll just have a chat.

I'll ask you what has brought you to therapy and what's been happening for you.

You might have a very clear idea.

You might have a million things you want to talk about.

Or you might sit there and say, “I honestly don't know where to start.”

That's fine.

We'll start somewhere.

You don't need to have your story rehearsed

You don't need to turn up with a PowerPoint presentation of everything that's ever happened to you!

You don't need to have worked out exactly what's wrong.

You don't need to know what type of therapy you need.

And you definitely don't need to use fancy therapy words.

Just tell me what's going on in your own words.

And yes… it's okay to swear!

If “bloody hell”, “what the fuck?” or something considerably stronger happens to slip out when you're telling me about something that's happened, I'm not going to clutch my pearls!

I'm not easily offended, and I'm certainly not going to judge you for how you express yourself.

Just be you.

I'll ask questions along the way to help me understand you and what you're experiencing.

Sometimes you'll talk about what's happening now. Sometimes we'll explore things from the past. Sometimes something you thought was completely unrelated turns out to be rather important.

That's the interesting thing about people — we're complicated creatures!

There might be tears… and that's okay

You may cry.

You may get angry.

You may laugh at something that, on reflection, probably isn't actually that funny.

You may swear.

You may say something and then suddenly think, “Oh… I hadn't realised I felt like that.”

All of that is okay.

You don't need to apologise for crying with me.

You don't need to say, “Sorry, I'm being stupid.”

And you certainly don't need to apologise for having feelings.

That's what you're here for.

I won't force you to talk about something you're not ready for

If there's something you've experienced that you don't feel ready to talk about, that's okay.

Especially when it comes to trauma, I don't believe in throwing you straight into the deep end and hoping for the best!

I'll work at a pace that feels manageable for you.

There may be times when I'll gently challenge you, ask you to look at something differently or encourage you to try something new.

But I'll always explain why.

Therapy isn't about me sitting there telling you how you should live your life.

It's about helping you understand yourself, what's happening for you and what you can do differently if you decide that's what you want.

I'm a bit “out of the box”

I often describe myself as an “out of the box” therapist.

Why?

Because people don't come in boxes.

You aren't simply “anxiety”, “trauma”, “depression” or whatever label you've been given.

You're a person.

And you're a person with a whole history, personality, relationships, experiences, strengths, struggles and probably a few things that make absolutely no sense even to you!

So, I don't believe in a one-size-fits-all approach.

I have training in different therapeutic approaches, including EMDR and DBT, and I'll use the tools and techniques that I believe are going to be useful for you.

Sometimes we'll talk.

Sometimes I'll give you something practical to try.

Sometimes we'll explore what's happening in your body as well as what's happening in your head.

Sometimes you'll probably think I've gone slightly mad.

But there is usually a method to my madness!

You can be yourself

You don't have to impress me.

You don't have to pretend you're coping.

You don't have to have the perfect answers.

You can swear.

You can laugh.

You can cry.

You can say, “I don't know.”

You can tell me that something I've suggested doesn't make sense to you.

And yes… you can even tell me that you don't like my idea!

Therapy works best when you're able to be honest.

What happens at the end?

Towards the end of our first session, we'll have a chat about how you've found it and what you'd like to get from therapy.

We'll think about what might be helpful and whether you feel I'm the right person to work with you.

Because here's the thing…

I'm not going to be everyone's cup of tea.

And that's okay!

Finding the right therapist is important. You need to feel comfortable enough to be honest with me and feel that I genuinely “get” you.

So, if you're nervous…

That's completely normal.

You can turn up to your first session and tell me:

“I'm really nervous.”

In fact, that's a perfectly good place to start.

You don't need to know what to say.

You don't need to know where this is going.

You don't need to have everything figured out.

Just turn up as you are.

I'll bring the relaxed approach, the listening ears, the occasional inappropriate laugh when appropriate (I promise I do know when it's appropriate!), and we'll take it from there.

Because therapy doesn't have to be scary.

It doesn't have to be overly formal.

And it definitely doesn't have to feel like you're sitting across from someone who is judging you.

It's just two people having a conversation — with one of them having slightly more training in why humans behave the way they do!

If you're thinking about reaching out, my advice is simple:

Don't overthink it.

Get in touch, have a chat with me and see how it feels.

You don't have to commit to anything just because you've made contact.

Sometimes the first step is simply saying:

“Hi… I'm not really sure what I need, but I think I need some help.”

And that's more than enough to get started.